Wow. This year. Was it long or was it short? I am not even sure any more. In January, I was working at Profile by Sanford, Health coaching and doing business development at local business partners and YMCA’s. I was also working a second job where I launched my own Vegan Dairy product line (cultured cheeses and yogurts, milks, etc). Then I lost my other job (furloughed), and quit my vegan job (they were not being safe/following health guidelines for covid).
I had just moved into my apartment in March. This is the first time I have been on my own for like 7 years. It is a bit ironic that all this stuff started to go down as soon as I moved out. I am not saying they are related, obviously, but I do find it funny timing.
I am not going to bore you with too many details.
But this year was a HUGE growing year for me. This year was shitty, but one I am really proud of.
I started a podcast and haven't quit yet (THATS BIG).
I started blogging consistently.
I am exercising and eating well (80/20).
I am working really hard on my relationships with the people I love.
I have avoided falling into the ex boyfriend traps (I have been tempted by them though).
I have stayed single ALL year.
I started my own health coaching business, but am still working on it.
I reached out to people I didn't know to be on the podcast and a lot of them said YES.
I worked really hard on my mental health (therapy and reading lots of books, and having a lot of deep conversations with myself).
I registered and FINISHED MY SCHOOL PROGRAM. BAM. Certified health coach.
I managed to keep up with my bills up until this month.
I lost some friends/gained some friends.
I STAYED ALIVE. I STAYED SAFE. I DIDN'T DIE.
I was really creative this year and that felt really good.
I didn't finish my book list, but ALMOST.
I have consistently stuck to yoga and norwegian.
I started projects and stuck to them.
I fixed some legal issues.
I stayed true to myself.
I loved myself no matter what.
I think that If this pandemic, if all the stuff in this year happened to me a few years ago, I don’t think I would have been able to survive it. I think I would have crumbled. I am being really honest.
So, here I am thinking about next year. But this space between christmas and new years is heavy for me. Today is a full moon and it’s in cancer and I feel all of the feels.
Do you ever just feel so overwhelmed? Not about anything particular, but you just this overwhelming need to cry? Like something really heavy is standing on your shoulders, waiting for you to collapse on the floor? This is the first time in my life I have realized how sensitive I am, how much it plays into my life, and how ok that is. I have always been embarrassed of it. I try to understand what it is. But sometimes I dont. Sometimes I just have to sit in it. It’s kind of like having a headache. You won’t get anything done if you just mope around, so you just move through your day, with it always lingering.
But maybe it does mean something. Maybe this sensation I am having, this overwhelming need to cry, this weight that is unbearable, means something. Maybe I am not seeing something. Maybe I am carrying things I don't realize.
Anyway, I am rambling.
For my Full Moon ritual tonight I am going to write down what I want to let go of. I am also going to give forgiveness to everyone and anyone, including myself. I am going to write down what I am grateful for. What I am proud of. Then I am going to cleanse my space, take an epsom salt bath, pull some tarot cards, set out jars of water to absorb the moons energy, and do some yoga and go to bed early.
I can feel the moon in cancer telling me to slow down, to rest. That is exactly what I am going to do.
I want to leave you with some advice: write down all the things you are proud of for this year. Write down your intentions (not resolutions) for next year. Take care of yourself, please. Let go of what isn't serving you.
I love you, and I am wishing you the Happiest New Year! HOORAY FOR 2021.